Category: self leadership

WHO AM I IF I CAN’T RUN WITH THE BALL?

If my business had a muse, it would be Louisa in Encanto 🏋‍♀️

I watched the movie again with my kids the other day. The lyrics really speak to my mission of helping high achievers perform sustainably.

❓❓ What would you say to Louisa, to the ‘Louisas’ in your team, to yourself if you identify?

“I’m the strong one, I’m not nervous
I’m as tough as the crust of the Earth is
I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow, ’cause I know what my worth is
I don’t ask how hard the work is
I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanded…

Under the surface, I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service
Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens
It’s pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks, no mistakes
Who am I if I can’t run with the ball?
Who am I if I can’t carry it all?”

NOT ENOUGH MEETINGS?

Emma Vallin, Organizational & Leadership Consultant

Knowledge workers spend on average 85% of their time in meetings, which studies show negatively affects well-being. Not surprisingly many organizations are opting for meeting-free days.

But how does this effect cooperation and productivity?

A study* of companies who had implementing meeting-free days, found that:

ONE meeting-free day a week resulted in:
✅ Autonomy: +62%
✅ Cooperation: +15%
✅ Engagement: +28%
✅ Productivity: +35%
✅ Stress: -26%

With TWO meeting free days, the numbers jumped to:
✅ Autonomy: +78%
✅ Cooperation: +43%
✅ Engagement: +32%
✅ Productivity: +71%
✅ Stress: -43%

Is there such thing as too few meetings, I hear you ask?

THREE seems to be the optimum number of meeting-free days, according to the study. After that, metrics like productivity and satisfaction start declining and micromanagement starts creeping up again.

❓ What if anything, surprised you about these numbers?

❓ What is your experience of meeting free days?

📈 Take the poll: how many meeting-free days do you prefer: https://lnkd.in/dEJErM85

* The Surprising Impact of Meeting-Free Days. Benjamin Laker, Vijay Pereira, Pawan Budhwar, and Ashish Malik. MIT Sloan Management Review, January 18, 2022

Some hours are more equal than others

Pulling an all-nighter, doing 80-hour weeks, burning the midnight oil.

There are countless cultural references and expressions of overwork, most of them talk about the number of hours we work.

Emma Vallin, Organizational & Leadership Consultant

The 8-hour workday can be traced back to the Industrial Revolution and was introduced as a way to give workers enough time to rest from heavy manual labor. In a knowledge based society, where many of us mainly work with our brains, what would be the equivalent rule? How should our workdays be structured to optimize and protect our cognitive muscles?

We have all experienced days or meetings that left us completely spent, barely able to hold a conversation with our family at the dinner table. Some tasks are just more cognitively demanding than others. A 30-minute disorganized Teams meeting with conflicts can leave us mentally drained while a whole week of working on a passion project can even add to our energy depot. These insights are particularly important when you’re in a billable hour practice or run your own business.

Or as George Orwell might have put it, had he been writing LinkedIn articles in 2023:

‘All hours are equal, but some hours are more equal than others.’

I find human capacity and performance management fascinating and I’m not surprised that it’s a well researched topic. There are numerous behavioral science studies and psychology papers exploring human endurance and how we maximize performance. From looking at what world record holding athletes have in common to analyzing iconic chess games.

I recently came across Samuele Mancona’s study about how mental and physical fatigue are linked. It was described in Alex Hutchingson’s book Endure: Mind, Body, and the Curiously Elastic Limits of Human Performance, which I can really recommend. In the study, Mancona asked volunteers to be part of two time-to-exhaustion tests on a stationary bike. Basically, the participants were asked to cycle until they were too exhausted to continue. Ahead of the first test, the volunteers were asked to spend 90 minutes on a mentally draining computer game that required their full attention. Ahead of the second test, the participants were instead asked to watch a bland and emotionally neutral documentary.

After the mentally draining computer game the volunteers gave up 15,1% earlier on the bike test.

There were no physiological explanations to the time difference – their heart rates, lactate levels etc. were the same. They were similarly motivated in both the tests as the best performance was rewarded with a $50 prize. The difference was that when the participants were mentally fatigued, they reached their perceived point of physical exhaustion quicker.

In the study, they used the Borg scale, after Swedish psychologist Gunnar Borg, to measure perceived exertion. In his view perceived exertion is the best measurement of physical strain since it’s based on signals not only from muscles, joints and the cardiovascular system but from the central nervous system as well.

Here’s more from Orwell:

“Reality exists in the human mind, and nowhere else.”

The results of the study might make sense to us instinctively even if I for one can’t explain it. But it does make me wonder why so many workplaces are still organizing work based on hours, as if all hours were indeed created equally. Surprisingly often I meet managers who expect their team to clock 40, 60 or 80 hours per week, regardless of the kind of work the employees have done or the results generated.

Our jobs are more cognitively demanding today than ever before. The value we add, as simpler tasks are AI’ed out, is often about solving complex problems, managing change or generating ideas – mentally expensive work. Add to that all the distractions we expose our brains to every day.

I believe managing our cognitive resources will be a critical skill going forward, both for achieving meaningful work goals and for important social interactions.

So how would we organize and measure work if LinkedIn-Orwell had a say in it?

    1. USE COGNITIVE RESOURCES WISELY. Since attention is a scarce resources, be mindful what you spend or waste it on. Do a cost benefit analysis for the things you spend a lot of time on, like meetings and emails. A study published in MIT Sloan Management Review 2022 found that by implementing just one meeting free day per week companies improved autonomy by 62%, cooperation with 15% and engagement with 28%. Avoid powering through when you feel exhausted, it’s counterproductive.
    2. AUTOMATE. We make thousands of decisions every day and each decision uses a part of our cognitive capacity. To focus your decision-making energy on the things that really matter we need to automate as many decisions as possible. Barack Obama allegedly only had one type of suits to eliminate that decision every morning.
    3. HAVE STRIPED DAYS. Mix more challenging tasks with easier throughout day. Balance physical and cognitive tasks. Take frequent breaks and longer breaks. Change the environment you’re in – go work in the office canteen for an hour. Avoid de-prioritizing rest, exercise or sleep. Avoid back-to-back meetings and tasks.
    4. LEAD THE WAY. As leaders, you need to role model this way of viewing work. Be open about what you need to do your best work and what boundaries you have. As organizations we need to start rewarding and promoting responsible energy management. In business planning or when resourcing projects, make sure you are crystal on the cognitive capacity you have and how to prioritize it. Call out ways of working that misuse people’s energy.

Over to you:

How can you organize your work to get the highest ‘ROCI – return on cognitive investment’ or ‘bang for the mental energy buck?’

Similarities between running a businesses and raising a toddler

Last month I celebrated my 3rd anniversary as a fulltime entrepreneur. Happy birthday to me!

Emma Vallin, Executive Coach & Leadership Consultant

In some ways you can compare starting a business to parenting a child. It’s an exciting idea to bring a child into the world but few of us were prepared for the toddle tantrums and a 3-year old’s talent for accidents. (My youngest son went through a period of putting peas, sweetcorn, and anything small enough up his nose 😫).

What parents learn, often a bit too late, is that their toddler isn’t trying to drive them crazy nor kill themselves. They are simply learning and developing by testing boundaries.

A small business goes through similar growing pains. It can be equally challenging, unpredictable, and full of ups and downs. Just as parents can draw strength from watching their cherubs sleep peacefully after a day of food attacks, entrepreneurs can find energy from reflecting on their experience.

– We need to remind ourselves of why we set out on the journey in the first place.

So, as my ‘third child’ turns 3, here are my reflections:

🎂 My BS ratio (Nonsense work/ Meaningful work) has dropped from about 10-1 to 1-10 since I left my corporate career. Back then my days were filled with ineffective meetings, impression management and producing endless amounts of PPT presentations. Today most of my time is spent on what I consider meaningful work, things that help me achieve my mission.

🎂 The freedom that comes with being your own boss is even greater than I imagined. Perhaps the greatest freedom for me is being able to choose whom I want to collaborate with.

🎂I’ve grown and developed a lot in these years. It’s incredibly rewarding to be able to use all your talents and experience to create something of your own.

A big thanks to my supporters, clients, partners, and the amazing fellow entrepreneurs I’ve met along the way.

Here’s to the next 3 years, hoping they will be as fun and rewarding, but perhaps a bit less crazy.

#reflection #entrepreneur #businessdevelopment

The Importance of Rethinking

Emma Vallin, Leadership Consultant & Coach. Photo: Janine Laag

Decisive, bold, assertive, fast, consistent – these are traditionally highly valued traits in the corporate world. Many of us have heard them in performance reviews, either as qualities we have or should develop.

In brand management, where I spend most of my career, we were trained to know our data, do our research, then to commit to an idea and stick to our plan. Often spending most of our energy convincing the world about its brilliance. There was little room for honest reevaluation or rethink.

Why is changing our minds so hard?

I recently read Think Again by Adam M. Grant. Grant starts by describing the concept of Escalation of Commitment –

“When we dedicate ourselves to a plan and it isn’t going as we hoped, our first instinct isn’t usually to rethink it. Instead, we tend to double down and sink more resources in the plan”.

If we’re collaborating with others on this plan, it can be ever harder to change our minds. We are social creatures and challenging the direction of our team comes with risk. Nobody wants to come across as arrogant, stupid or indeed insecure. Most of us want to fit in. It takes a very open and inclusive team climate to accommodate this kind of risk taking. A psychologically safe environment in which candor and half-baked ideas are welcomed. With leaders who encourage us to rethink, relearn and challenge truths.

The ability to change our mind is more important today than ever

In stable and predictable industries and markets, like the ones I worked in at the time, being consistent and sticking to your guns is often a good thing. It inspires confidence in stakeholders and gives your brand consistency. However in uncertain, fast-paced and ever-changing corporate environments, the courage to reevaluate and change direction becomes business critical.

To do this we need people with the right cognitive skills. We often think of mentally fit people as intelligent people. The smarter you are, the more complex problems you can solve, faster. But in a rapidly transforming world, there are, according to Adam Grant, cognitive skills that could matter more: the ability to rethink and unlearn.

“Progress is impossible without change; and those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything – George Bernard Shaw”

The value of reflection

For those who dare to be indecisive, there’s a lot to gain. Kahneman’s work on Thinking, Fast and Slow gives us another take on the virtue of the slower, more deliberate System 2 thinking.

Reflection is also important for developing our self-awareness. Professor Daniel Newark, who studies decision-making, identity and behaviour, claims that pondering over outcomes of two or more options allows us to be introspective and gain unique dimensions of self-awareness. He says: “The contemplations and conversations characteristic of indecision may help construct, discover, or affirm who one is.”

For me, this speaks to the theory of ‘slowing down to speed up’ and the value of reflection.

Invite others to rethink with you

There is lot to gain from opening up about our doubts and inviting others to reflect with us. Otto Scharmer talks about self-reflection as one of the prerequisites for new thinking. We cannot go from disagreement to generative dialogue without being curious about our own views and willing to challenge them.

So why not invite your collegues to reflect with you? Newark also found that when you seek advice before making a decision it can inspire conversations of meaning and build professional connection. Quite a nice side effect.

What ‘truths’ are you holding on to?

What do you need to rethink in your work?

Are distractions keeping you from greatness?

Many of my clients experience an acute lack of focus time, what they often call ‘real work’. They are overwhelmed by the constant flow of emails, meeting invites and ‘urgent’ requests from stakeholders.

It’s not surprising. A study from Loughborough University (T.W Jackson, 2021) found that 84% of professionals always keep their inbox open in the background with 70% of emails being opened within 6 seconds of receipt. Given that the average knowledge worker receives 120 emails per day (Earthweb, J Wise, 2022) and on top of that a constant flow of Slack- or Teams notifications and social media updates, we are setting ourselves up for failure at best. Burnout at worst.

What does this availability cost? For your focus, for your health, for your productivity?

Why is it so hard to turn off distractions, even though we know it’s what we need the most?

Throughout evolution we have been rewarded for being curious. There are powerful neurotransmitters like Dopamine involved, which makes checking emails or social media likes difficult habits to control. It’s more important than ever that organizations put sustainable communication practices in place and that their leaders live by them.

And yes, in periods we might need to be more accessible. But I challenge everyone to schedule undistracted focus time at least once per day. It’s critical for our focus, wellbeing and productivity at work.

Slowing down doesn’t mean accomplishing less; it means cutting out counterproductive distractions and the perception of being rushed. – Tim Ferriss

Here are a few thing you can try:

  1. Get the Pen and paper out. Go analog when you are next solving a problem or planning an activity.
  2. Use mornings wisely. Studies show that out stress tolerance is higher in the mornings, making the first couple of hours of work out ‘cognitively expensive’. If possible, block undisturbed time for your priorities in the morning.
  3. Plan for productivity. The 52:17 rule, first described in a Muse article in 2014 is a method by which you spend 52 minutes of intensive, purposeful work followed by 17 minutes of rest away from your computer. People using this method were found to have a unique level of focus and productivity.
  4. Go Walkflecting: Walk+Reflection. A powerful practice to increase our creativity, wellbeing and productivity. Just make sure you turn off your mobile.

What could you do more of if you were less distracted?

How can you help yourself focus on what really matters?

What Ross Geller can teach us about Self-Leadership.

Who can forget the Friends episode when Ross asks Rachel and Chandler to help him get a sofa up the stairs?

According to the Oxford Dictionary the word Pivot means to turn or balance on a central point.

I’m sure it wasn’t Ross’ intention, but he has definitely inspired my framework for effective self-leadership. In the workshops or trainings I do with clients we often work with these 3 elements:

      1. Self-awareness
      2. Direction
      3. Tools & habits

Self-awareness:

To lead ourselves effectively we need to know what we’re good at, what our vulnerabilities are, what we value. In other words, we need a central point to start from, to come back to. To pivot from.

Direction:

Understanding our ‘why’, being clear about where we’re heading and what we would like to achieve is critical to self-leadership.

As JFK said ‘Efforts and courage are not enough without purpose and direction.’

As goals change, our circumstances change, we need to be adaptable and use regular reflection to be open to new goals and ways to get there.

Tools and habits:

It’s not enough to have a range of tools and positive habits. Effective self-leaders also have high levels of psychological flexibility – the ability to use different instruments and draw upon different strengths depending on the situation.

So when you’re stuck, when circumstances change, as you evolve – remember to pivot.
        • Stay firmly grounded in who you are, your central point.
        • Keep your eyes on your ‘why’, the horizon.
        • And turn, try new ways, gain new perspectives, learn.

Back to Ross in Friends, I’m sure we can agree there is some room for improvement when it comes to his collaboration- and leadership abilities. And things didn’t turn out well for the sofa (see episode clip here). But at least he gave us the Pivot!

If you or your team are interested in Self-Leadership initiatives, feel free to reach out.

Year-End Reflection – where do you do your best thinking?

This is the time of the year when many of us stop to reflect on the year that’s gone, personally and professionally. It might be hard to fit in personal time between work projects and Christmas shopping, but hopefully the holiday period will give us some an opportunity for quality thinking.

As with all positive habits, we need to make it as easy as possible for ourselves. Therefore, ask yourself where and how you do your best thinking?

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.” – John Dewey

I’ve always find writing the best way for me to reflect and plan. And some of my best thinking is usually done in very specific places.

First of all, I do my big thinking around things like how I want to live my life, during flights (and long train journeys). But of course, I haven’t done much of that in the past 18 months.

My second favorite place to think is in cafés, writing on napkins. That’s where I do my best career and business planning. The napkin helps because it makes it spontaneous and removes the pressure. I also love that there is limited space on the napkin – as if my ideas are too many and too big to fit on the piece of paper

Recently I’ve discovered a third place – when I’m out walking. It’s when I’m most creative and come up with good (and bad) business ideas. Until recently I always listened to a podcast or music, which is great to inspiration. But I was surprising to find how the ideas started flowing when there was silence.

Where and how do you do your best thinking?

Making it easy for ourselves and exploring where and how we get our best insights and ideas can help us make reflection into a positive habit.

Writing this made me think that perhaps I’m a Lone Wolf who doesn’t need others to reflect and come up with ideas? I definitely think the pandemic has made me more self-reliant when it comes to inspiration. But I get a lot of energy from sparring and discussing with smart, fun, and open-minded people.

And come to think about it, one of the most rewarding activities I’ve done this year is started group Walkflections here in Stockholm.

So, as I close the books for 2021, my conclusion is that I’d like to spend more time bouncing off ideas and discussing plans with some of the interesting and talented people in my network. Consider yourselves warned!

With that I would like to wish you all a restful holiday with time for reflection and interesting discussions.

This is the time of the year when many of us stop to reflect on the year that’s gone, personally and professionally. It might be hard to fit in personal time between work projects and Christmas shopping, but hopefully the holiday period will give us some an opportunity for quality thinking.

As with all positive habits, we need to make it as easy as possible for ourselves. Therefore, ask yourself where and how you do your best thinking?

“We do not learn from experience… we learn from reflecting on experience.” – John Dewey

I’ve always find writing the best way for me to reflect and plan. And some of my best thinking is usually done in very specific places.

First of all, I do my big thinking around things like how I want to live my life, during flights (and long train journeys). But of course, I haven’t done much of that in the past 18 months.

My second favorite place to think is in cafés, writing on napkins. That’s where I do my best career and business planning. The napkin helps because it makes it spontaneous and removes the pressure. I also love that there is limited space on the napkin – as if my ideas are too many and too big to fit on the piece of paper

Recently I’ve discovered a third place – when I’m out walking. It’s when I’m most creative and come up with good (and bad) business ideas. Until recently I always listened to a podcast or music, which is great to inspiration. But I was surprising to find how the ideas started flowing when there was silence.

Where and how do you do your best thinking?

Making it easy for ourselves and exploring where and how we get our best insights and ideas can help us make reflection into a positive habit.

Writing this made me think that perhaps I’m a Lone Wolf who doesn’t need others to reflect and come up with ideas? I definitely think the pandemic has made me more self-reliant when it comes to inspiration. But I get a lot of energy from sparring and discussing with smart, fun, and open-minded people.

And come to think about it, one of the most rewarding activities I’ve done this year is started group Walkflections here in Stockholm.

So, as I close the books for 2021, my conclusion is that I’d like to spend more time bouncing off ideas and discussing plans with some of the interesting and talented people in my network. Consider yourselves warned!

With that I would like to wish you all a restful holiday with time for reflection and interesting discussions.

 

Common toxic life-rules and how to break them

So, you’ve come a long way in your personal development. Your self-leadership skills are well developed, you’ve made friends with your values and know your overdeveloped strengths. You know what drains you and what makes your dopamine flow.

Suddenly the growth stops.

Your coping strategies become ineffective, the stress management techniques useless and you fall back into negative habits.

Behavioral scientists call them dysfunctional core beliefs, the often-toxic life-rules that cause negative stress and stand in the way of your development. They are deep-rooted principles telling you what you ‘must’ and ‘should’ do to be successful, loved, or happy. These beliefs are often inherited or formed early on in life. They are central to your self-image and breaking them can be both painful and necessary to continue your personal growth.

Some common dysfunctional life-rules

      • If I don’t succeed, I have not put in enough effort
      • If I express my needs, I am selfish
      • I must be strong, whatever it takes
      • If I have a lot going on, I am successful
      • If I say no, people will not trust me again
      • If I fail, they won’t respect me

I can certainly relate to many of these. Throughout my career in fast-paced consumer goods organizations, I was convinced that if I only worked harder and showed up stronger, I would climb faster than everyone else.

It worked well. Until I crashed spectacularly.

Today I am an Executive Coach, speaker and leadership consultant specialized in helping high performing individuals and teams find a more sustainable way to perform.  Many of my clients call themselves achievement addicts and want to learn how to be successful on their terms, go the distance and become more effective leaders. Without burning out in the process.

We start by taking a long, hard, and honest look at their life-rules.

Most life-rules are useful and help us make daily decisions without too much thought. However, when your core beliefs dictate your behaviors without flexibility, they are dysfunctional and can limit your growth and well-being.

The worst thing with toxic life-rules is that they appear to be truths – it’s just how the world works, right? Therefore, we are often not fully aware of them.

5 steps to challenge your life-rules

      1. Decide to challenge a life-rule in a small way. For example, choose to go for a walk instead of answering work emails tonight (Rule: If I don’t succeed, I will be criticized)
      2. If the feeling of discomfort creeps in, remind yourself that it is not bad or dangerous to feel uncomfortable, on the contrary, it means that you are challenging a rigid rule.
      3. Breathe, observe what is happening without judging (and keep your hands off those emails!). When the stress reaction goes away, you can focus on enjoying the walk.
      4. Write down: when does this life-rule serve you and when are you’re better off overruling it?
      5. Be thankful for the work you just did to build flexibility and resilience.

In short, dysfunctional life-rules can hinder your personal development, they are difficult to notice and can be unpleasant to break. These core beliefs are the root cause of many dysfunctional behaviors. By being aware of them, challenging them and analyzing your reaction, you can increase your resilience and grow into a better version of yourself.

Happy overruling!

Case Study – Executive Coaching

Mairi is the Head of Leadership Development at the Karolinska University Hospital and has recently completed the Executive Coaching Program. It’s a six-month intensive coaching program for leaders based around the EQ-i 2.0 Emotional Intelligence Framework. The coaching sessions took place on Zoom, and we met approximately every third week.

I sat down with Mairi to ask her a couple of questions about her experience working with me as a coach.

Emma: Hi Mairi, what made you apply for the Executive Coaching Program?

Mairi: I had been recently appointed as the Head of Leadership Development at the Karolinska University Hospital. Given the consequences of the COVID-19 pandemic on staff and managers and the unique culture of our organization, a coaching program that builds on Emotional Intelligence resonated well with my perceived needs for personal and professional development.

Emma: What has the coaching given you?

Mairi: The coaching has primarily given me two things – increased self-awareness and space for self-reflection. While these two things are the essence of what I work with to create for others, the gift of time and support from Emma to have that space for myself, has been invaluable.

Emma:  What did you learn during the coaching program?

Mairi:  The EQ assessment was very comprehensive and shed light on capabilities that I need to get better at in order to become a more effective leader and leadership developer. I also learned how the different components are interdependent and realized how some of my strengths actually become a hinder for my performance when overused. Last but not least, it was an important reminder that regardless of one’s level of experience or stage of development, it is hugely beneficial to have periods in one’s life that are supported by a coach.

Emma: What elements of the program had the greatest impact on you?

Mairi: The greatest impact came from the combination of the EQ assessment and the coaching. The EQ assessment was eye opening and combined with coaching, its effects will be long lasting. Improved self-awareness means that I pay close attention in every situation where my capabilities are challenged. Attention is really what changes a mere experience into deliberate practice and can thus contribute to continual learning. The assessment alone would be simply information in form of a report. The coaching without the assessment would risk lacking intentionality and direction. So it’s the combination that makes it a winning concept.

Emma: Who do you think would benefit from Executive Coaching?

Mairi: Anyone with a growth mindset, i.e. anyone with a will, curiosity, openness and vulnerability to become better versions of themselves.

Emma: How would you describe me as a coach?

Mairi: Emma has a great ability to listen, to really listen. To pay close attention to what her client needs the moment they start their session. She masters the art of asking great questions and doesn’t hesitate to challenge the deeply held beliefs her client might hold about their situation, performance and learning. I’m deeply grateful for her generosity to support me in my growth and help me lead from my purpose.

Thank you Mairi for taking the time to reflect on this. As a coach I always learn something new with each client. It was an honor to work with Mairi and to follow her progress. I learned a great deal from her deep understanding of leadership and her willingness to challenge her perceptions.

If you or your organization are interested in Executive Coaching, please get in touch and I’m happy to tell you more.

The Comparer – final (over)achievement archetype

We’ve come the end in our series Achievement patterns and strategies with the Comparer.

The Comparer lives by the words: ‘The grass is always greener… ’.

Comparison is nothing new. In 1954 Festinger came up with the social comparison theory. At the core of his theory is the idea that people come to know about themselves—their own abilities, successes, and personality—by comparing themselves with others. It’s central to our need for acceptance and belonging.

But the Comparer archetype takes this behaviour to the extremes. Comparers have a clear view of what life should be like and constantly compare themselves to others. They make sure their Instagram feeds are perfectly color coded and are at risk of being addicted to social media.

As a Comparer you also want to be perfect IRL and try to say clever things, be helpful and serve the right food at dinner parties. If people around you are unwell you risk missing the signs and often don’t observe your own signals of stress either.

Drivers and Fears:
      • Low self-esteem
      • Fear of being abandoned
      • Fear of rejection
How to overcome:
      1. Do a Social media detox – really! Here are a few tips:
          2. a)    Give your digital devices a bedtime.b)    Start a new morning habit.c)    Delete your social media apps.

            d)    Replace social media time with a new hobby or activity.

            e)    Break the habit of reaching for your phone.

            f)      Use technology for reasons other than scrolling social media.

            g)    Pay attention to the media you consume.

            h)    Spend more time observing the world around you.

            i)      Track your progress.

            j)      Set yourself reminders to not check social media.

      1. 2. Learn to spot the bottom of the iceberg. When you find yourself comparing, turn the tables around and ask yourself what the other person might admire in you. We can never really understand someone else’s reality, struggles and insecurities just as they might not have all your strengths in sight.3. Practice Meditation

 

Ok, so those were the 6 (over)achievement archetypes.

I use this model a lot in my coaching practice and it’s central to the Achievement Detox program. Often clients tell me that they can relate to several archetypes but when looking into the driver and fears it often becomes clear which overachievement strategy they use the most.

And that’s where we focus in with behavioural experiments.

Because as with all behavioural change, we need to work through the 3As:

      1. First we need to be AWARE of our behaviours and cognitions
      2. Then we need to ACCEPT the situation
      3. But nothing will change unless we ACT – we need to try and evaluate new strategies and slowly build new behaviours.

I hope you have enjoyed the series. If you would like more information or would like to work with me as a coach, please Get in touch

The Competitor – 5th (over)achievement archetype

Motto: ‘winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing’.

Competitors see life as a race and always try to be just that little bit better than everyone else.

If you identify as a Competitor achievement archetype you often ignore your own basic needs such as sleep and food.

You sometimes come across as judgmental and go to extreme lengths to hide your own failures and shortcomings. You often step on people’s toes.

There is a lot of shame involved in this achievement strategy and the competitor risks ending up a lonely person. If a person hinges all their value on winning, who are they when they lose or cannot even compete anymore?

Drivers and Fears:
      • The belief that the one who is best gets all the rewards
      • Fear of feeling worthless
      • The belief that you are only loved and accepted when you win
How to overcome:
      1. Understand your insecurities. Our insecurities fuel competitive, jealous feelings. These insecurities may have developed in our younger years because of experiences that made us feel unworthy. Reflect on or speak to a therapist about what your family motto was growing up and which events shaped you.
      1. Do a cost /benefit analysis. What is this behaviour costing you in productivity, creativity? What is it costing the people you hurt? How is your lack of vulnerability effecting your leadership?
      1. Define your own success and standards. Instead of using others’ accomplishments as benchmarks for success, get clear on what success means to you, what your goals are and, critically, how you would like to get there? (read how many toes you are willing to step on).

Where do you draw the line between healthy ambition and unhealthy competitiveness?

Final piece in our series of (over)achievement archetypes: The Comparer. (yes, it will mention social media detox)

Ⓒ Vallin 2021. All rights reserved

The Constant Achiever – (over)achievement archetype 4

This is probably the achiever archetype I identify the most with. People who are Constant Achievers (and I at times) live by the motto:

‘You can rest when you’re dead’.

The constant achiever is a multi-tasker who always juggles several big projects. If you identify as a constant achiever work is always on your mind and you are likely checking emails around the clock.

In your spare time, you renovate your apartment, take a language course or prepare for a marathon (yep, yep and yep)

Everything you do has a purpose and a goal. Your to-do list is your comfort blanket and you likely to most things in life very quickly. As a consequence the constant achiever is rarely in the moment and at high risk of burnout.

Drivers and Fears:
      • Achievement as a safe zone.
      • Addiction to the ‘high’ of achievement.
      • It is uncomfortable to take it easy, laziness is frowned upon.
      • Fear of stopping development.
How to overcome:
    • Get clear on the negative consequences of constantly achieving. List what it does to your health, relationships, and results.
    • Practice self compassion. Start with: Avoid saying and thinking judgmental things about yourself, spend time doing things you enjoy, Letting go of external validation.
    • Behavioral Experiments: This part was central to the ‘achievement detox’ I did a few years ago to limit the damage my achievement addiction. I embarked on a 1 year experiment during which I took on a very junior role at work and banned all achievement focus from my life. It was an eyeopener but also a very painful experience. In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy we instead recommend smaller experiments such as:
      • Post on LinkedIn and stop yourself from checking the results for 24 hours 😉.
      • Have a dinner party without meticulously preparing the food.
      • Swim on the slowest lane and allow yourself to be overtaken by everyone

Yep, have tried all three and for a Constant Achiever, it’s hard work and something we need to keep practicing.

Next up: The Competitor

 

 

 

‘Walkflection’ – Last Thursday every month @8:30am, Djurgården, Stockholm

Most of us know which activities keep us healthy and protect us from negative stress. Yet, we so often neglect them:

    • Meaningful conversations
    • Exercise
    • Reflection
    • Nature

Introducing ‘Walkflections’ = Walk + Reflection

As Margaret Wheatley said:

“Without reflection, we go blindly on our way, creating more unintended consequences, and failing to achieve anything useful.”

We meet on the last Thursday of each month at 8:30 am at Blå Porten by  Djurgårdsbron for one hour of walking, reflection and meaningful conversations.

New dates for autumn 2021: 26 August, 30 September

I will share a model or piece of research on the topic of self leadership, we set off on a walk on Djurgården in pairs or groups of three (at a safe distance from each other). We stop halfway and share our reflections; I might pose a new questions and we switch walking partners.

We are back at 9:30 at Djurgårdsbron so you can get to work or cycle home filled with:

    • New perspectives and insights
    • Energy and inspiration
    • New connections
    • Actions for the coming month

Participation is free but to ensure we limit the group size, please reserve our spot below or let me know on: kontakt@emmavallin.se, 070919534. Maximum 10 people.

We speak both Swedish and English 🙂

Reserve your spot

The Perfectionist – (Over)achiever archetype 1

Motto: ‘Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing’.

This achievement strategy is about doing everything to perfection, keeping your promise and never ever handing anything in half-baked. Perfectionists often respond to emails immediately so no one has to wait and tend to compensate for the shortcomings of others.

These overachievers scan the reactions of others to pick up any signs of irritation or disappointment so they can figure out a way to correct it. They have a clear view of what life should be like and how we should behave as individuals.

Just like their overachiever cousins – the Comparison Junkies – the Perfectionists keep track of everyone on social media and compare themselves all the time. On a bad day they can spend 60 minutes writing and rewriting a two-sentence email. Chronic procrastination could be the result of perfectionism.

Drivers and Fears:
      • Fear of failure
      • Fear others upsetting others
      • If I make a mistake, it will lead to a catastrophe
      • I am the reason others feel bad
      • If I do everything right I am accepted/loved
How to overcome it?
      1. Practice realistic thinking. Because perfectionists are often very critical of themselves, one of the most effective ways to overcome perfectionism is to replace self-critical thoughts with more realistic and helpful statements. Some examples of positive realistic statements: Everyone makes mistakes! Nobody is perfect!, All I can do is my best!
      2. Changing perspective: Perfectionists tend to have a hard time seeing things from another person’s point of view. Start by asking yourself: How might someone else (e.g. a close friend) view this situation? What might I tell a close friend who was having similar thoughts?
      3. Exposure: Having a problem with perfectionism is a lot like having a “phobia” of making mistakes or being imperfect – you get paralyzed by the thought of making mistakes. Exposure is an effective method to overcome your perfectionism, here are some examples of simple exposure practice:
        • Show up for an appointment 15 minutes late.
        • Tell people when you are tired (or other feelings that you consider a weakness).
        • Wear a piece of clothing that has a visible stain on it.
        • Lose your train of thought during a presentation.
        • Try a new restaurant without first researching how good it is.

If your perfectionism or other overachiever strategies hold you back and you would like to develop heathier behaviors and strategies – book a free consultation with me and we’ll take it from there.

PS: My own exposure practice while writing this post was to only read through once before publishing 🙂

Next up on the series of overachiever archetypes: The Controller.

Overachievement Archetypes. © 2021 Emma Vallin. All rights reserved.