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An unexpected cure for ‘Hurry Sickness’

Are you the kind of person who cleans the bathroom while brushing your teeth? Move from one check-out line to another when shopping? Sit at the back of the room during work presentations so that you can finish that budget sheet? Chances are you’re suffering from ‘hurry sickness’.

People with ‘hurry sickness’ are multitasking masters, they think, walk and speak fast

What Is Hurry Sickness?

Two American cardiologist first came up with the term when they found a correlation between typical type A behavior and heart disease. People with ‘hurry sickness’ are multitasking masters, they think, speak and even walk fast and get very impatient with anyone or anything wasting their time. Sounds familiar? You’re not alone – a London Business School study found that 95 percent of the managers in a study suffer from the condition.

Is it really that bad for you?

Being busy is often seen as a virtue but when it becomes a constant time urgency you lose your ability to stop and think, and as a result become less effective. You lose sight of the “big picture,” and risk alienating people around you. Not to mention the physiological and mental health risks that come with constant stress.

Quitting the hurry game is really about finding a dimmer for your ‘get-shit-done’ superpower

 

Why is it so hard to quit the hurry game?

From an early age we are rewarded for doing, achieving and winning. In high paced industries and corporate environments, it’s often a prerequisite for success, as many of us can relate to. Getting lots done is a kind of superpower that has likely made you pretty successful in your career. So why doesn’t it take you further or make you happier? Think of it as running a marathon at sprint pace. It might give you a lead early on in your life or career, but it certainly won’t make you either successful or indeed, alive as the race goes on. It’s less about quitting the hurry game and more about finding a dimmer for your ‘get-shit-done’ superpower. You need to learn how to dial up and down your hurriedness. Of course, it’s great to be able to switch it on for that big deadline or when you’re trying to get 2 small children out the door. But the default setting in your life needs to be less rushed and you need to learn how to dim the light completely.

The unexpected cure – being pregnant!

I’m a classic hurry sick person who have spent my life chasing efficiencies and trying to do things faster and better. From doing my Kegel exercises in the lift to conference calls in the gym. It wasn’t until I got pregnant with my first child that I learnt how to live slow. I suffered from severe pelvic girdle pain and could hardly walk. From being someone who would always walk /run up the tube escalator, I suddenly missed my bus every day for being to slow. I even found myself being overtaken by seniors in the slowest lane in the swimming pool. I have often thought it was natures cruel way to cure me from my hurry sickness before having children. I have to admit the relief was temporary, as a mother of 2 children under 3 years of age I often find myself multitasking in the most ridiculous ways. But I am now a sober hurry addict and I can dial up and down my busyness and speed. I finally have a dimmer!

Other ways to cure hurry sickness

If pregnancy with pelvic girdle pain doesn’t sound temping or just isn’t in the cards for you, here are some tips on how to fight hurry sickness:

    1. Practice doing one everyday thing slowly – it could be the dishes or walking to work. How does that make you feel?
    2. Question the value of your urgency – What difference will it make if you answer that email tonight? How important is it in the grand scheme of thing?
    3. Write down the flip side of your hurrying. What are you missing out on when you rush around? What effects on your health do you see? Who are you hurting?
    4. Trick the system with breathing right. When you’re feeling particularly flushed, take some deep breaths (inhale for 3 counts, exhale for 5). This activates the parasympathetic nervous system (the break system) and reduces the stress hormone cortisol.

Let’s make 2020 a slow year!

SPA 2 ways

My partner and I went to a SPA last weekend. It was a birthday gift from my mom and sister, which also included their babysitting services. A big deal since it was the first night away from both kids and potentially the first full night of sleep for me in over a year!

Most toddler parents know that there is a pre/post children dimension to most things in life (going to the shops, showering, eating, getting dressed, doing number 2…). But the difference when it comes to a spa experience only really became clear after listening to the following conversation in the changing room:

The spa weekend girls:

Spa girl 1: I love your bikini!

Spa girl 2: Really? Thanks. It took me an hour to choose. The stress…

Spa girl 3: Should we bring the clay masques into the spa? We might feel like using them at once.

Spa girl 1: Oh, I don’t know. We have no idea how we’ll feel while in there. Oooh, this doesn’t feel good at all! Can’t we just chill and see how we feel?

The parents:

My mom texted that one of the boys was up all night and one of them is now throwing up.

My partner: My tummy feels funny as well.

Me: Can we pretend we didn’t get the message yet and stay in the pool for a while?

My partner: Your bikini is torn.

Me: You should be happy I almost had time to finish shaving my legs.


I listen with fascination to the girls and admire their full toilet bags. I quickly put on my randomly selected clothes as the vomiting situation at home is deteriorating. I grab a handful of free body lotion on my way out and slap it onto my forehead as if to say: you should be happy you have time for anxiety and even time to chat about it! 

Different worlds indeed.

And despite the vomiting bonanza I wouldn’t have it any other way.

 

Pavlov’s thoughts on my bike

My bike was stolen yesterday.

It’s definitely not the first time; I think I had 3 bikes stolen during my time in London and God knows how many in Uppsala! Unfortunately I had locked the bike in the front wheel only. Rocky mistake according to my partner who said I might as well have put up a sign for the thieves.

The thief kindly left my front wheel behind

The irony is that the bike was stolen outside the venue of my psychotherapist course, on the exact day of the Pavlovian Theory lecture. You know the guy who discovered dogs could be conditioned to drool at the sound of a bell.

The thief kindly left my front wheel

We discussed how a victim who suffered an assault could develop a phobia of for example balloons if balloons were present at the time of the assault. Classic conditioning. But apparently I cannot learn that a poorly locked up bike in an urban environment is likely to be stolen. I assume the level of pain involved could be a factor but we didn’t get that far in the lecture.

I’m only on day 4 of the course and I hope it becomes clearer!

If I finally learnt how to lock my bike up remains to be seen.

The art of a stress-free life

There’s something in the old saying, to stop and smell the roses. Noticing and enjoying the simple and beautiful things in life. But to be able to smell those flowers, you must plant and nurture them. You must take charge of your life – which in itself can be excruciatingly stressful.

So how can you get rid of negative stress?

We know that talented, driven and self-critical people are high risk for stress-related exhaustion disorders. But killing your ambition is difficult. Redirecting it however, setting different goals, can be life-changing. Use that drive and your performance personality to form and achieve new goals. Feel-good goals. It can be to laugh out loud every day, meet a new inspirational person every month or meditate once a week. Then go out there and deliver -like only you can!

There’s no vaccine for life crisis and unforeseen drama. You can however control how you handle setbacks. Choose to be kind to yourself. Try to see every obstacle as fertiliser for your roses; without shit in your life, there will be no personal development :).

To stop living a stressful life can be as difficult as becoming debt free or getting rid of an addiction. It requires conscious actions and sometimes you need help. Maybe book a couple of sessions with a coach. Hint hint me!

Yoga – it can help with everything from chronic pain to depression and PMS

1. Yoga and the heart. Yoga can make blood vessels relax and thereby reduce blood pressure while increasing blood flow to the heart.

2. Yoga can cure chronic pain in the back and neck. When practising yoga, the muscles first tighten, and then they relax when you breathe in and out. As the muscles relax, the pain begins to release.

3. Yoga and the brain. In a recent study published in the Journal of Neuroscience Nursing and performed at 133 older adults, those practicing yoga 30 minutes twice a week showed a better cognitive function than those who did not yoga.

4. Diabetes. In a study published in the Journal of Clinical and Diagnostic Research, 30 men with type 2 diabetes who practiced yoga for six months showed a significant decrease in their blood sugar levels.

5. Yoga to reduce stress. Practising yoga regularly can reduce the levels of the stress hormone cortisol, and especially in women at risk for mental illnesses.

6. Depression. A study in Complementary Therapies in Clinical Practice, showed that regular yoga practise reduced levels of anxiety in women with post partum depression. 

7. Yoga to fight PMSD. This time of the month you might feel like savasana is the only pose for you, but other positions may also relieve PMS symptoms.

From an article in yoga world

The powerful forest

The health benefits of spending time in nature has long been known. I recently read an article explaining why.

Nature has a way of strengthening our immune system, therefore reducing the risk of diseases such as diabetes, depression and cardiovascular disease. When we spend time in nature, the body enters a rest and digest mode, which is the opposite of the fight or flight mode we encounter when exposed to stress.

The researchers behind the article explain that there are chemical and biological substances in natural environments which can, among other things, bring down blood pressure, boost the immune system and reduce depression.

Nature is like a multivitamin that supplies us with all kinds of nutrition.

The article was published in Frontiers in Psychology

Do an Intoku today

Intoku is Japanese and roughly translates to; something good done in secret. A good deed carried out without seeking recognition or appreciation.

In times of blurred lines between what’s real and our filtered social media lives, this Japanese concept feels incredibly refreshing.

And isn’t it telling that there is no equivalent word in many Western languages?

What good do you do when no one is watching? Something you don’t share on Instagram?

Here’s a challenge. Do something for someone else today without telling anyone about it. The genuine good feeling you’ll get from helping someone is much more valuable than the appreciation you would get if you tell the world about it. When you remove the need for validation and the motive behind your action, only a pure, real feeling of happiness is left.

Be normal or be yourself

As we constantly project a polished, normal and successful life and are exposed to others’ equally amazing lives in our feeds, we risk forgetting who we really are.

Does the courage to be different come with age? Does the confidence to be original develop over time, with different experiences? Or do we need self-esteem to be ourselves?

As we constantly compare ourselves with others, do we risk diluting our beautifully weird and amazing personalities?

The world is more boring, less creative and dare to say; a worse place, the more normal we try to be.

Kipling on self leadership

‘If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster and treat those two impostors just the same…’

Rudyard Kipling

If you can keep your head when all about you

Are losing theirs and blaming it on you,

If you can trust yourself when all men doubt you,

But make allowance for their doubting too;

If you can wait and not be tired by waiting,

Or being lied about, don’t deal in lies,

Or being hated, don’t give way to hating,

And yet don’t look too good, nor talk too wise:

 

If you can dream—and not make dreams your master;

If you can think—and not make thoughts your aim;

If you can meet with Triumph and Disaster

And treat those two impostors just the same;

If you can bear to hear the truth you’ve spoken

Twisted by knaves to make a trap for fools,

Or watch the things you gave your life to, broken,

And stoop and build ’em up with worn-out tools:

 

If you can make one heap of all your winnings

And risk it on one turn of pitch-and-toss,

And lose, and start again at your beginnings

And never breathe a word about your loss;

If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew

To serve your turn long after they are gone,

And so hold on when there is nothing in you

Except the Will which says to them: ‘Hold on!’

 

If you can talk with crowds and keep your virtue,

Or walk with Kings—nor lose the common touch,

If neither foes nor loving friends can hurt you,

If all men count with you, but none too much;

If you can fill the unforgiving minute

With sixty seconds’ worth of distance run,

Yours is the Earth and everything that’s in it,

And—which is more—you’ll be a Man, my son!

 

Our trump cards 

There are things that beat all other things in life. Events that make other thoughts and worry clouds disappear. When these trump cards are played, your priorities suddenly become crystal clear and the problems that previously occupied your mind feel small.

These days my son is the mother of all trump cards for me. If he is in danger or even just hungry, I become a complete bulldozer ignoring everyone else’s needs, including my own. Particularly painful when he started walking at 9 months and went on kamikaze assignments around the house.

The other day my uncle past away. We were very close and for several days I cried when I thought about his life and what his immediate family is now going through.  Death, illness and family are other trump cards for me.

What are your trump cards? 

How can we be better at playing them every day without waiting for a crisis to reminds us of what’s important?

 

Pushing our buttons 

pushing our buttons

Why are we disproportionately affected by certain events? Why do we find some things offensive – not just Insta-offensive?

A while back a friend told him that he resigned from his job after he discovered the management was unethical. He left for a competing organisation and was unfairly accused of stealing trade secrets. His world fell apart and he has still not recovered. Why was he so affected by a situation that someone else might have been able to laugh about over time?

Yesterday I was reminded of a similar experience I had. When I was on sick leave due to stress and at the same time got a new boss, my employer threatened to relocate me due to performance issues. This just six months after I had been selected as top talent. A Kafka-like process was initiated where no account was taken of my circumstances. I fought back with legal means and eventually made them change their position but I still today feel very bad when I think about it.

Why can’t I just brush it off as having the misfortune of working for an incompetent organisation and uncompassionate boss?

What sets my friend apart is his strong sense of justice and integrity. When these core values ​​were questioned, albeit on false grounds, it shook his world.

Similarly, I have understood that one of my fundamental values ​​is achievement. I have as long as I remember wanted to perform, that’s who I am. Even though I know I did a good job under the circumstances, a small part of me died when my performance was questioned. Just like in my friend’s case, my employer pressed the wrong (or right) button. My values were challenged.

One of the most powerful exercises I do with clients is to chart their core values.

Once you know where your buttons are, you can choose who will hit them, when and how.

How money can buy you happiness

We usually don’t equate money with happiness – openly at least. At a stretch we say money can make life easier.

Recently, I’ve been thinking about money in relation to time and freedom. How long should you stay in a job you don’t like? How much money do we need before we retire? Or if you start at the other end – how big of a house or car do you really need to be happy?

If toddler parents constantly struggle with time poverty – how can we get our hands on more time?

I read an interesting article from Psychology Today about money and happiness. It claims that there are 3 ways that money can actually make you happy. Buying time is one of them.

Unplanned Aimlessness

I am planning person, to say the least. When I tell people about my rolling 5-year personal plan in Excel they usually look like they’ve seen a green giraffe fly over the rooftops.

Every January, as part of my annual planning process, I update my 5-year plan, evaluate and rate previous year, develop guiding principles for the coming year and set 4-5 goals with associated activities for the new year.

Sounds like I should see someone about this?

Well it works for me. Half-year reviews with myself gives me an endorphin-high the size of a teenage kiss.

In 2016 I had no plan.

This was not a conscious decision and I didn’t even notice it until I sat down for my review in January. As the chock settled I realised that this was exactly what I needed last year. I guess a part of my brain somehow understood this but decided to keep quiet about it so I wouldn’t protest.

2016 was the year I overcame fertility problems, had a pregnancy fraught with complications, fought discrimination at work, had an emergency caesarean and became a mother. Trying to fit that into columns and rows would not have been a good idea.

Fate however smiled at my obsession with planning and arranged for my pregnancy to follow the calendar months, starting in January. One must have some order after all.

It makes me wonder – is it necessary to have a serial car crash in our lives to change deeply entrenched behaviours?

If we instead consciously change these behaviours do we develop just as much? Or even more?

Today I took time off my parental leave and wrote my 2017 plan. I am proud that I waited until February and that the plan doesn’t contain a single colour-coded rating system.

It is however still in Excel.

5 surprising things about becoming a mom

baby-feet-1527456_960_720-1

1. The Mariana Trench of Love

I expected I’d sit and watch the baby for hours but I was not prepared for the bottomless love I feel for Otto. (The Mariana Trench is the world’s deepest oceanic area). He still feels part of my body in a way. Even more surprising is the intimacy I now feel with my partner. I thought the baby cuddles would fill my closeness quota, but no. I feel even greater love for my partner and want even more hugs and kisses. A very pleasant surprise.

2. Helicopter Mom Deluxe

I was convinced that I would be a chilled out mom. Someone who doesn’t use hand sanitizer before every meal or obsess over how warm the baby is. But how wrong I was. I have a helicopter mom default setting and almost feel physical pain when he cries. If someone coughs in the supermarket (the longest trip we have taken so far), I wish that there was industrial power antiseptic spray I could use.

3. Prestige flestige

I was happy to discover that I left most of my career and life performance anxiety in the delivery room. The fact that it took two weeks before I updated the blog after giving birth didn’t bother me at all. A nice side effect indeed. A sort of must-dos detox.

4. Total world isolation

I never understood the so called baby bubble before it hit me. People told me to ‘enjoy the bubble’ or ‘we’ll see you when you’re out of the bubble’. The less charming side of this bubble is perhaps that you don’t have time to read a newspaper, watch your favourite series or use conditioner when you shower. On the other hand the rather pleasant side of the bubble is that things that world affairs or my housing cooperative politics seems completely unimportant. That said, I couldn’t ignore the terrible saga of the US presidential election. On election night I for once appreciated the night feedings so I could follow the news coverage.

5. The mother of efficiency

I now have two settings. The first, a distraught, apathetic zombie-like mode that is often on after a rough night. The second, a hyper efficient mode when I can empty the dishwasher, pay the bills, do the laundry, update Instagram, call mom and bake a pie, all while Otto sleeps. I, who am usually a task master and have spent my life chasing efficiencies and multitasking, am in awe of myself as a new mother.