If my business had a muse, it would be Louisa in Encanto 🏋♀️
I watched the movie again with my kids the other day. The lyrics really speak to my mission of helping high achievers perform sustainably.
❓❓ What would you say to Louisa, to the ‘Louisas’ in your team, to yourself if you identify?
“I’m the strong one, I’m not nervous
I’m as tough as the crust of the Earth is
I move mountains, I move churches
And I glow, ’cause I know what my worth is
I don’t ask how hard the work is
I take what I’m handed, I break what’s demanded…
Under the surface, I’m pretty sure I’m worthless if I can’t be of service
Under the surface, I hide my nerves and it worsens
It’s pressure like a drip, drip, drip that’ll never stop, whoa
Pressure that’ll tip, tip, tip ’til you just go pop, whoa, oh, oh
Watch as she buckles and bends but never breaks, no mistakes
Who am I if I can’t run with the ball?
Who am I if I can’t carry it all?”
We’ve come the end in our series Achievement patterns and strategies with the Comparer.
The Comparer lives by the words: ‘The grass is always greener… ’.
Comparison is nothing new. In 1954 Festinger came up with the social comparison theory. At the core of his theory is the idea that people come to know about themselves—their own abilities, successes, and personality—by comparing themselves with others. It’s central to our need for acceptance and belonging.
But the Comparer archetype takes this behaviour to the extremes. Comparers have a clear view of what life should be like and constantly compare themselves to others. They make sure their Instagram feeds are perfectly color coded and are at risk of being addicted to social media.
As a Comparer you also want to be perfect IRL and try to say clever things, be helpful and serve the right food at dinner parties. If people around you are unwell you risk missing the signs and often don’t observe your own signals of stress either.
Drivers and Fears:
Fear of being abandoned
Fear of rejection
How to overcome:
Do a Social media detox – really! Here are a few tips:
a) Give your digital devices a bedtime.b) Start a new morning habit.c) Delete your social media apps.
d) Replace social media time with a new hobby or activity.
e) Break the habit of reaching for your phone.
f) Use technology for reasons other than scrolling social media.
g) Pay attention to the media you consume.
h) Spend more time observing the world around you.
i) Track your progress.
j) Set yourself reminders to not check social media.
2. Learn to spot the bottom of the iceberg. When you find yourself comparing, turn the tables around and ask yourself what the other person might admire in you. We can never really understand someone else’s reality, struggles and insecurities just as they might not have all your strengths in sight.3. Practice Meditation
Ok, so those were the 6 (over)achievement archetypes.
I use this model a lot in my coaching practice and it’s central to the Achievement Detox program. Often clients tell me that they can relate to several archetypes but when looking into the driver and fears it often becomes clear which overachievement strategy they use the most.
And that’s where we focus in with behavioural experiments.
Because as with all behavioural change, we need to work through the 3As:
First we need to be AWARE of our behaviours and cognitions
Then we need to ACCEPT the situation
But nothing will change unless we ACT – we need to try and evaluate new strategies and slowly build new behaviours.
I hope you have enjoyed the series. If you would like more information or would like to work with me as a coach, please Get in touch
Overachievers can accomplish great things but always need to do more. As they constantly raise the bar, the cost for reaching their goals eventually outweigh the rewards. Although overachievers tend to do well early on in their careers, at some point they start questioning the value of their constant hustle. In addition, research shows that achievement-orientation significantly increases the risk of burnout*.
Learning how to achieve sustainably is not only critical to our performance and well-being but affects the people we work with as well.
In a series of posts, I will discuss six achievement archetypes or patterns, identified through years of coaching high achievers and from my own ‘achievement detox’.
Which archetype (if any) do you most identify with?
THE COMPARISON JUNKIE. Lives by the motto: ‘Grass is always greener…’
THE CONTROLLER. ‘If you want a thing done well, do it yourself’
THE PERFECTIONST. ‘Anything in life worth doing is worth overdoing’
THE COMPETITOR. ‘Winning isn’t everything, it’s the only thing’
THE CONTANT ACHIEVER. ‘I will rest when I’m dead’
THE WORRYING PROBLEMSOLVER. ‘Spend 55 min worrying about the problem and 5 min thinking about solutions’
I will share the drivers and fears behind each archetypes and would love to discuss what strategies you use to balancing them out.
I would love to have your input and hear your reflections on this topic!
Importantly, it’s NOT about giving up on being a high achiever, it’s about developing a dimmer to your superpower so that you can achieve sustainably, on your terms.
I use this framework a lot in my Achievement Detox Coaching Program and when coaching business leaders. I find it very useful for identifying underlying fears and drivers and changing negative behaviors.
*Canadian Journal of Nursing 2019, Vulnerability and Stressors for Burnout
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